Jyoti's Blog

Echoes of Laughter, Shadows of Unrequited Love

We experienced our formative years together,
but our individual growth followed distinct trajectories.
Our paths intersected, but you chose a separate route,
despite both leading to the same destination.
Our gazes met, yet yours was drawn to someone else’s eyes.
Seated at the same table, you inserted someone between us, introducing a palpable separation.

Our laughter echoed harmoniously,
but the heartbreak lay in the asymmetry—I found mirth in all your jokes,
while yours seemed reserved for someone else’s.

Smiles exchanged in our encounters, but yours seemed dedicated to another, while mine remained exclusively for you

I sought to fill the void with you; you filled it with someone else.
Love blossomed on my end, but you fell for someone

The decision to depart was yours, accompanied by another, while I chose to linger, remaining for you.

Your departure with someone else was effortless, and I find myself still entangled, unable to move beyond the heartache of losing you.

I really want to know what’s like to be loved by you 💓

Love Beyond the Event Horizon

In the midst of the frigid snow, adorned in a crimson velvet scarf, clutching a bottle of champagne against the breathtaking backdrop of the Eiffel Tower, I found myself lying on the ground, gazing at the heavens. The sensation was surreal, as if I were twirling and hovering within the ethereal embrace of the Milky Way’s delta quadrant, defying gravity’s existence while lying motionless.

In this moment, it felt as if I had entered the event horizon of a black hole, a place where time itself seemed to slow, and I was suspended in a state of profound introspection. It was as if I were gradually descending into an abyss, fading away into nothingness, all while witnessing the world unfold around me, unnoticed and unseen, like a silent observer.

The left behind is an enigmatic realm, akin to being drawn into an intense magnetic field and a potent gravitational force. These forces, much like the gravitational pull of certain individuals’ hearts and the magnetic resonance of their minds, have the power to attract and tear one apart. It mirrors the captivating pull of a love so deep that its absence leaves a void as vast and mysterious as the universe itself.

Love, I discovered, can be a paradoxical experience. It’s like falling for someone without realizing the solitude that follows when they are no longer present. Now, at the verge of the event horizon, I am being pulled by the formidable gravitational force of the metaphorical black hole. Yet, within this abyss, her image persists, shining brighter than any light, even in a place where light itself cannot escape. It’s a testament to the extraordinary nature of the person she is, one whose brilliance transcends the limits of the tangible and the known. In this emotional labyrinth, I continue to perceive her face, a radiant beacon that defies the very forces that seek to engulf and erase.

Beyond Horizons: An Elegy of Departure and Liberation

Time is passing by,
Companions are drifting away,
Each day I grow more vulnerable and despondent,

Struggling to move forward,
Isolation, fear, rejection, abandonment—these wounds persist,

I apologize for the journey and the distance traveled, but now, I’m forsaking everything,
Abandoning hopes, dreams, and faith,
Stepping away from isolation, betrayal, and rejection,

This seems to be my last recourse,
Despite the façade of strength, I’m truly the most fragile within,
No need to hastily flee upon my arrival,
No need to vacate the table when I take a seat,

No need to place your bag on the adjacent chair when I approach,
Authenticity is all I ask,
I hold significance,

My existence holds weight,
After decades of striving, I’ve grasped that it’s time to release,
Time to depart,
Time to bid farewell.

Chandler Bing: Illuminating the Night with Laughter, Turning Sleepless Struggles into Endless Moments of Joy.

Dear, Chandler Bing

This letter is dedicated to you, Chandler. It’s been a 18 days since you left this world, and I still find it incredibly hard to believe that you’re no longer with us. You left behind a multitude of fans who deeply care about you, as well as your family, friends, and so many others. I’ve been a devoted viewer of “Friends” for a whole decade, and you’ve always been one of my favourite characters. In all honesty, you’ve been a true source of inspiration for me. In this letter, I want to express the profound impact Chandler Bing had on my life and the lives of countless others. Whether it was a sarcastic one-liner or a heartfelt moment, your performance as Chandler provided comfort during difficult times and became a beacon of laughter in the mundane moments of life.

Whenever I find myself feeling down, sad, or alone, your witty humour and the caring nature of your character on “Friends” have the power to lift my spirits. I mean, how can I stay in a gloomy state when Chandler Bing is around? Whenever life gets tough, I recall that there is still beauty to be found, and this thought motivates me to persevere and not give up, regardless of the hardships I’m facing.

Let me share a personal confession. About a year and a half ago, I had to be admitted to the hospital and underwent a major surgery that forever altered my life. I had to have my foot amputated, and when the doctors delivered this painful news, it was almost unbearable to accept. I was forced to make a quick decision, which I wasn’t prepared for. But in that moment, your influence came to mind, and it helped me find the strength to make that difficult choice.

The “F.R.I.E.N. D” series and the character of Chandler Bing taught me that sometimes it’s better to let go for a greater purpose, even when faced with excruciating pain, knowing that I would have to endure it for the rest of my life. Your example helped me understand the value of making difficult decisions for a better future.

Chandler Bing, a pivotal figure in the American sitcom F.R.I.E.N.D.S, is my compass of hope, my guiding light through the darkest of times, and the unwavering support I always needed. Mr. Chandler Bing, your portrayal as the epitome of the best version of oneself has touched my heart deeply. When I’ve lost my way and forgotten who I am, it’s you, Mr. Bing, who whispers to my soul, reminding me of the person I strive to be.

Chandler, you’ve been an incredible teacher, imparting life’s most valuable lessons to me. You’ve shown me the beauty of letting go, the complexity of falling in love with those closest to you, and the unwavering loyalty and support that true friendship entails, especially during the lowest and highest points of one’s life. I am eternally grateful for your presence during the times when I had no one else. My life has often felt like a never-ending ordeal, but watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, watching you Mr. Chandler Bing, at the forefront, has been my refuge.

Thinking back to Season 5, Episode 14, the words “I love her, I love her” carry a profound emotional weight. It’s a moment that encapsulates the depth of love and the emotional storms it can unleash. Just as Chandler’s character has been my guiding light through life’s ups and downs, this episode evokes the powerful and raw emotions that love can stir within us.

This particular episode has left an indelible imprint on my soul, an experience that will forever resonate with the deepest corners of my heart. As I grappled with the overwhelming sensation of love for one of my closest friends, a deep emotional turmoil enveloped me, fueled by the notion that such affection was a forbidden trespass, a line that should remain uncrossed in the realm of friendship. Yet, it was the profound lessons I imbibed from you, Chandler, that led me to the heartfelt understanding that it’s entirely acceptable to experience love for a friend. You, Chandler, beautifully illustrated this truth when you allowed yourself to fall in love with Monica.

Unfathomable laughter and smiles that linger in the heart, evoking profound. — ***Chandler’s gaze at Monica evokes a profound emotional experience that feels unlike anything you’ve ever felt before, as if it stirs a depth of aliveness within you that is entirely unique.***

The act of summoning the courage to reveal one’s vulnerabilities and confess one’s love to another is nothing short of miraculous. It has taught me a profound truth: love and our emotions are treasures not to be concealed, no matter who the recipient may be. Life’s fleeting nature often denies us second chances, leaving us with no option but to gather our inner strength and lay our feelings bare.

In the wake of this emotional revelation, I’ve been profoundly awakened to the agony of concealing one’s love and emotions, a pain that makes the act of expression all the more imperative. Thanks to Mr. Chandler Bing, I’ve come to understand that loneliness is an intrinsic part of the human experience. It’s perfectly acceptable to feel those moments of loneliness and sadness; they are, in fact, the emotions that guide me through this journey.

In the past, I refrained from approaching or inviting people to hang out due to the constant fear of rejection. However, I now muster the courage to approach others, even knowing that rejection may be the outcome. I’ve come to realize that a single word of rejection does not define my worth, and this invaluable lesson I’ve learned from you, Mr. Bing.

Through endless nights of torment, where my mind was a battleground, and the cold edge of a blade threatened to quell my anguish, I found myself trapped in solitude. Then, in a desperate moment, I turned to CHANDLLER BING, and a wave of relief washed over me, erasing the pain as though it had never existed. As a fan, I would like to thank for the laughter, the tears, and the moments of connection that your portrayal of Chandler brought into my life. CHANDLLER BING, all I can say is thank you from bottom of my heart for your humors, your unwavering strength, and for being the embodiment of the finest version of oneself. You became my guiding light, pulling me back from the abyss of despair. It’s a bittersweet realization that, despite your physical absence, the spirit of Chandler Bing will always be present in the hearts of those who found joy in the world you helped create and It’s unbearable to accept that you departed from this world prematurely. There was a time when I eagerly carved out moments to indulge in the “F.R.I.E.N. D” series, all because of the magnetic presence of Chandler Bing. His wit, sarcasm, and humors had this incredible ability to illuminate my world. However, the experience of watching the show has undergone an irreversible transformation. It now stands as a poignant testament to Chandler Bing, a character that was not just a fictional entity but a source of immense joy. The cruel reality is that Matthew Perry, the maestro who breathed life into Chandler, is no longer among us. Now, the world of F.R.I.E.N.D will forever bear the heavy void left by Chandler Bing. His departure, much like the scattering of leaves on a melancholic October 28, 2023, is a profound loss. The memory of Chandler Bing persists, but the absence of Matthew Perry is an emotional abyss that leaves us grappling with the void he left behind. As this letter nears its end, all I can hope to convey is the profound love, care, kindness, and generosity that you’ve sown, and I hope you can see the vast ocean of affection and admiration that surrounds you. Last but not least Could I ever find words to express the depth of sorrow in bidding you farewell?

Unfulfilled Travel Dreams: The Unquenchable Thirst for Exploration

Life can be an incredible rollercoaster, filled with profound moments of wonder and unpredictability. Ever since my early days, I’ve been driven by a deep sense of curiosity, always yearning to step into a different version of myself. While many people in our world chase after wealth and financial success, my heart’s true desire is to become an intrepid explorer. My ultimate dream is to traverse the globe, extending a helping hand to those in need through volunteering, and making a difference by establishing schools and hospitals in communities that lack these vital resources. I’ve always held a vision of a life brimming with adventures, immersing myself in the rich tapestry of diverse cultures, traditions, and heritages. The mere thought of riding a camel through the crimson deserts of Dubai and Saudi Arabia, sipping on tea and coffee in Turkey, and floating above Turkey’s breathtaking landscapes in a hot air balloon fills me with boundless excitement. The fact that Turkey straddles both Europe and Asia, with 5% of its land in Europe and 95% in Asia, adds a layer of enchantment. I am particularly eager to witness the bridge that seamlessly connects these two continents, standing there and being overwhelmed by the sense of unity it represents. And then there’s the undeniable allure of the belief that Turkish people possess some of the most captivating eyes in the world. I can’t help but envision the deep emotional connection that would come from gazing into those mesmerizing eyes. It’s a dream that fills my heart with profound emotions and a burning desire to make it a reality.

My existence has been a relentless pursuit of unfulfilled dreams, forever asking, “what if?” moments, yet it feels like I’ve never truly had the chance to experience that longing. My heart longs not only to visit the countries I mentioned but also visit to France, Germany, Belgium, the Netherlands, the UK, Greece, Italy, Egypt, the Maldives, India, Finland, Iceland, Norway, Switzerland, Mongolia, Thailand, Indonesia, the Philippines, Japan, South Africa, South America, Latin lands, Mexico, Canada, Cambodia, the vast expanse of Africa, and South Korea but before visiting these countries I want to visit first my own homeland country Nepal. As a Nepalese, the very first place I want to set foot in is Mustang and Manang. These are places where my heart truly belongs, along with Pokhara, Solukhumbu, and so many others. These places hold a treasure trove of cultural and historical significance, from the sacred Hindu temple known as Muktinath to the captivating walled capital of the kingdom, Lo Manthang, in Upper Mustang. My heart aches for these places, but their lofty altitudes and the associated health challenges make my yearning all the more intense. It’s a deep-seated desire, rooted in the rich history of Upper Mustang. What fuels this longing is the deep history of Upper Mustang. Until 1992, it was a forbidden land to foreigners, maintaining its status as one of the most well-preserved regions on our planet. Its isolation from the outside world and the continued use of the traditional Tibetan language by its inhabitants have kept the local culture intact. Even after opening its doors to outsiders in 1992, Upper Mustang remains a carefully managed destination for tourists, with a limited number of visitors in 2008. The connection of Upper Mustang to the Chinese border adds to its allure, promising an abundance of knowledge and experiences. But, as I’ve mentioned, my ability to fulfill this dream may forever remain out of reach, and that is a source of deep emotional yearning. But I still ache to be there despite my health condition, to stand upon those barren hills and release a primal, soul-stirring scream.

My yearning is not for mere existence but for living life to the fullest, to breathe in the world, embrace its diverse cultures, traditions, and heritage. Regrettably, my reality is a confined one, with the hospital walls serving as my only horizon. For me, travel is more than recreation; it’s a quest to understand the world and unravel the purpose of our existence. Why are we born, if not to explore and find the true meaning of life, even in the face of adversity?

I ache to recline on the ground beneath the towering majesty of the Eiffel Tower in France, a bottle of champagne as my silent companion, as I peer up at this symbol of dreams and hope. In those moments, I would immerse myself in deep contemplation, revisiting my past, marked by relentless struggles and the darkness of despair. I want to stand in front of the Eiffel Tower and reflect on the incredible journey that brought me to this point, weighed down by the burdens of my past and the triumphant steps I’ve taken. France, a land of profound culture, a mecca of coffee, a haven for exquisite cuisine, and the birthplace of culinary delights, entices my very soul. Its museums, its music, and its arts whisper a siren’s call to my heart. France is where cinema was born, a testament to its profound impact on the world. I yearn to plunge headlong into the heart of this nation, to soak in its culture, to grasp its traditions, and to tread on the very soil where countless inventions were brought to life. In this enchanting land, the allure of savoring a different cheese each day ignites my senses, opening my eyes to life’s countless dimensions. And in Italy, I would feast on cheesy masterpieces like pizza, pasta, and spaghetti, while also indulging in the sartorial wonders of a nation celebrated for its fashion. The prospect of visiting the Leonardo Da Vinci Museum, the very place where the masterpiece, the Mona Lisa, was crafted, forever altering the way we perceive art and paintings worldwide, fills me with profound emotions. In Italy, a land known for its ability to evoke nostalgia, I anticipate being enveloped by the echoes of the past, as I set my eyes on timeless paintings, awe-inspiring sculptures, and the ingenious creations brought to life by the visionary Leonardo Da Vinci. The thought of immersing myself in this rich tapestry of art and history, gazing upon Da Vinci’s inventions, is nothing short of breathtaking. It’s a journey that promises to be more than a mere visit; it’s an emotional voyage, a chance to experience the essence of these masterpieces and to connect with the feelings they evoke. The museum becomes a sacred space where history and invention are tangible, and life itself transforms into a remarkable and extraordinary experience.

When I received the devastating diagnosis of an incurable autoimmune disease, life lost all meaning, and I felt utterly purposeless. But then, I had a revelation about my dream of becoming an explorer, and it completely transformed my perspective on life. I realized that I’m destined to live my life with this disease, constantly surrounded by medications, hospital visits, and cold eyes of doctors. I’m also acutely aware that I may not have as much time as others, and that’s why I want to explore the world before the suffering becomes unbearable. Before my entrance into this world, I was an anonymous soul, a mere whisper in the cosmic winds. But now, with my affliction, I’ve become someone defined by this burden. Through my travels, I aim to forge connections with people from diverse backgrounds, forming friendships that provide comfort and a chance for a fresh start, far from the haunting memories of betrayal and past wounds. The loss of my foot became a poignant teacher, driving home the bittersweet truth that what’s meant to stay will cling to us, and what’s destined to depart will inevitably slip through our grasp, no matter how tightly we hold on. It’s a raw lesson that stirs the depths of my emotions, compelling me to treasure every moment, to immerse myself fully in the present until it slips away like sand through an open hand. In the present moment, my focus is on immersing myself in the rich culture of Nepal. I wander through its enchanting cafes, tasting an array of flavors that speak to my soul. I explore the ancient wonders of places like KTM Durbar Square, Bhaktapur Durbar Square, Patan, and Swoyambhu with a mix of awe and reverence. These experiences are my solace, a way to nourish not just my body but my very spirit. Though I traverse this path alone, it’s a deeply personal pilgrimage, a quest to find solace and joy in every encounter, treasuring each fleeting moment as it slips into the treasury of memories, brimming with sentiment and emotion.

Throughout my life, I’ve strived to seize elusive moments, yet it often feels like every moment in life is inherently fleeting and elusive. My illness has rendered me emotionally numb and physically paralyzed, edging me closer to complete devastation. Right now, I stand at a pivotal juncture, considering the possibility of relinquishing medical treatments and redirecting my resources toward embarking on a global adventure. What’s the purpose of persevering through treatments when the possibility of a cure remains distant, and the hope for good health feels like an unattainable dream? Instead, I’m drawn to the idea of investing in a journey across the world. It seems like a path to happiness and a serene farewell, offering the chance to savor every moment of life. In this way, life becomes a source of joy, and each instant transforms into a precious experience to cherish.

Tales that end abruptly in an elevator

“Summer Without you

Without her, everything feels so weird. When a raindrop falls on land, it continues to beat for her. When she left everyone and everything behind, including me, nothing seemed to be okay. Life really is so brutal, don’t you think? While I’ve been waiting for her, I’ve died every day so I could adore her indefinitely and I gave my life for her so that I could love her endlessly. She held my hands in a way that no one else did, but then she abruptly vanished like leaves blown off a tree.

To one more hold her hands, the finger is dissolving and dying. Similar to how fish lack water, the rain appears incomplete without her. . My memory of her face
remained with me forever. Even when she isn’t not here, her face will constantly be on my mind and in my heart. Every time it starts to drizzle and there are thunderstorms, all I can hear is her echo.

Every time I watch a sunrise, I catch a
glimpse of her lovely hazal eyes in the sunlight, which transforms the surrounding landscape into a breathtaking paradise. Every time I look up and see the clouds drawing her face. Oh honey, it’s not “summer without you”, is all I have to say.

One of my incomplete stories

Sunday morning, it was early. As usual, she was present where I anticipated seeing her. I’ve never felt complete without her.She was different than other. In an effort to grab her, everyone’s heart beat faster. I was thinking of her with every heartbeat. She was already in a committed relationship with someone and i knew that. Despite this, I couldn’t help but fall in love with her. I fell in love with her the moment she came to my class to introduce herself.

I was once asked how do you know you love her ?Consequently, I replied, “Nothing makes sense without her. . After that, everything appeared to be lacking something. Without her, I was lacking. She deserved to know how much I was smitten with her and my intense love for her.As I’ve already said, she was already committed, and I was aware of the outcome and its implications. Despite everything, I confessed to her how I felt about her. I was aware of her response, She clearly responded with a ” no” and rejected me, which I already knew her decision, I then made an effort to keep my distance from her. I made an effort to stay away from her and avoid her eyes. Everything I did failed to make this feeling go away. After that, I quit going to that school.

Going far away from her was something I believed would help me get rid of my feelings for her, but it didn’t work, and I still have them. But this Love for her never wanes How can I ever get fire in blaze and love in ignition out of my mind. How can I erase it out even gettin’ heart of my own ignited. A scorching fire and a flaming love are said to be irrevocably linked and I can’t forget this, I quitely sobbing inside. Seven years later, we finally crossed paths. We crossed paths in the location where I had dreamed of being with her. I continued to look at her while holding back my tears and emotions. She was dressed in white, and it made her appear stunning. I wanted to give her a tight hug and express how much I had been missing her, as well as to let her know that even after seven years, I’m still in love with her and still desire her company and I still think about it. However, I was unable to do. I found out that she and her partner has been residing in the USA for the five years..

I was utterly broken and devastated. I fell in love with her so deeply that no one could possibly love her the way I did. I overdosed on love,and It had hurt so severely that it seemed only love could hurt so severely. However, I’m delighted for her that she found the man she desired and is now enjoying a great life with him. It’s not necessary for someone to love you in the same manner that you do. Her happiness is everything to me. After that, I began to understand that I was never a good enough reasons to stay. I have never been in her life and I never will be. Despite the passing of time and the difficult predicament I find myself in, my feelings for her haven’t altered. Both holding it and letting it go are out of my control. However, my Love for her never wanes. I just want to let her know that “I will always be in love with you and that if somebody breaks your heart, I would be here waiting for you to mend it,” and despite of knowing that you will be never mine and you will never love me the way I do I will be waiting here for you until I die.

Help me

Hello. I need help from you. At a very young age, a chronic autoimmune condition called systemic sclerosis was discovered in me. Doctors have made it quite obvious to me that the condition is incurable and that just the sign can be treated with medication and steroids. Therefore, it implies that I must live with this illness and get treatment up to my death or the end of my life while also being under medical supervision. Because of my financial status, I’m currently in the position where I can’t afford to purchase the pricey prescription Bosenton, which is essential to both my health and survival. I’ve been informed that this medication is also used to treat pulmonary artery hypertension and prevent ulcers. My foot and finger tips both have ulcers, and I do have minor pulmonary artery hypertension. . Additionally, My living situation is growing worse and I’m living in hell as a result of my disease’s advancement. I didn’t want to live after learning that my autoimmune condition was incurable.. I didn’t want to live after learning that my autoimmune condition was incurable.

I had reached a point where I wanted to
terminate my life, but I managed to find
motivation to keep going and live. I feel like I’m back in the same place I was
before. I’m feeling like I’m suffocating
because of my financial position, which made it difficult for me to breathe. I never imagined living a life like this. For my life, I had a different vision. It’s horrible to live without organs. especially after losing a foot. If I receive assistance from everyone and everywhere, I will be able to live and survive. One little thing could save my life and allow me to live my life.