I’ve been diagnosed with an incurable disease, which means I’ll have to live with it until I die. Despite this, I have been working extremely hard to provide the finest service possible. I’ve been putting in a lot of effort in my academics. I’ve always hoped and worked hard to be a good student and achieve good grades. Because of my lack of understanding, I asked a lot of questions. Because I don’t comprehend everything at once, the person who is explaining it to me must explain it several times. I am unable to maintain a sense of balance in my life as a result of this illness. My hard work does not pay off, no matter how hard I try. I’ve always prioritized my education in the hopes of becoming a person who will make my parents proud. I’ve tried and tried, but nothing seems to work. If things don’t function despite my efforts, how can it be my fault? I’ve been through a lot in my life. Every month, I must be admitted to the hospital for the administration of immunosuppressive/chemotherapeutic medications containing steroids. I go to college the next day after getting discharged, trying to participate in class despite having a few side effects from the medicines, such as heavy sweating, trembling, nausea, and vomiting. I become fatigued from time to time, and it makes me so sleepy that I can’t get out of bed. Most of the time, I’m in excruciating agony throughout my body, making me tough to bear. My right foot toe has been amputated for only 3/4 months, and I still have discomfort there. Many people tell me that you don’t try; you just need an excuse, and I’ve been told that I’m seeking for an excuse because of my condition. I’m tired of trying. I’m doing everything alone . I don’t get any help and support from friends when I need it. I want to know how it feels to have a normal life and a normal existence. I want to do the things I want to do, but I can’t because this disease condition is beyond my control and I can not help with it. Im powerless over this disease. I don’t have anything in my hands. I was not born with this disease. It’s just a matter of time, circumstances and unlucky day that I have been diagnosed with this disease. I’ve been blaming myself and bemoaning the fact that I was born. Is it true that I am deserving of everything that has been bestowed upon me? I ask myself this question again and over. Is it true that I’m getting what I deserved , or am I not? I’m wasting my time on this planet, and I’m beginning to wonder why I’m even here. Furthermore, no one wants me, no one cares if I exist or not, and some people have no idea if I ever existed Just Remorseful living I regret of being alive.
I don’t know why I’m here. Just in silence and staringFeeling extremely low
As contrasted to paradise the sunrise appears to be so magnificent. In a distant planet, a new day has arrived Since the day you just walked out without saying anything, and it’s been a year since you have left. Living here is difficult for me. Even after all these years, my heart remains injured and has not healed. I’ve always had it rough with life. For me, life is never easy. After she left, there was no longer any reason for it to be the way it was. As a result, I departed from there. Every dawn, day, and night, her betrayal and unpleasant recall memories have been with me. I sense her presence everywhere, even in my mind. I sense her presence even in this alien world. I can smell your aroma wherever I go. Even my own shadow reflects her’s. Every day with her, I’ve been stalked by the past.When she left me with nowhere to go, I told myself that I would live without her, that I would forget about her, and that I would fall in love with someone I deserve, and who would not abandon me as she did. I was so enamored with her that I had no idea her feelings for me were up for grabs. . I just heard she moved on so effortlessly, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to do the same.I realize I’ll have to travel to the depths of hell to forget about her,, but I will. I’ve traveled this far just to forget about her and the agony she has given me. I always assumed we’d end up together but I never imagined it would be this way. I’ve always desired to spend my golden years with her. I believed death would be the only thing that would separate us, but she were the only one who did. By just stepping out, she alone made the decision to be separated. She chose her path above mine, and now I’m stuck with no other choice but to move on since she left me with no other choice than to forget about you. This is the final piece I’ve written about us and I’ve finally put an end to this traumatic chapter by burying her. I sincerely hope we will never have to see each other and we never cross each other path and this relationship, which has been filled of misery, betrayal, and sadness, is now coming to an end.
Every day is a shambles. Even in the sunshine, I can sense the gloom. I always assume it’s her shadow whenever I see it. She was the one who’s following me when even my shadow has vanished, yet she’s gone, and I still can’t accept that she’s gone, and there’s no way to know if she will return. My heart is shattered, and I’m filled with emptiness. I’m going to bed with an empty stomach and a wounded heart. Even though I keep telling myself she will return, I’m still waiting for her there, knowing she won’t. I’m not sure how I’m going to live without her, or how I’m going to love anyone else but her. She didn’t instill in me the ability to exist without her. She simply vanished without so much as a farewell. I’m aware of het absence whenever I’m alone. She abandoned me in this world, leaving me with nowhere to turn. I’m now on my own. My name is Wolfe, and I’m a loner. My shadow, too, had vanished. She said she would call and meet, but all she did is walk away without saying anything, leaving me waiting with a broken heart. I know she will never come, and I’ve finally accepted it, but when she realizes, I’ll have already departed and vanished, and she will never find me, even if she wants to, even if she is guilty. I won’t be returning any longer. I will have gone with broken heart. Only the everlasting, terrible, and intolerable anguish that you inflicted on me, as well as the lovely memories that have become nasty memories, will remain with me.
Every day is a shambles. Even in the sunshine, I can sense the gloom. I always assume it’s your shadow whenever I see it. She is the one who’s following me when even my shadow has vanished, yet she’s gone, and I still can’t accept that she’s gone, and there’s no way to know if she will return. My heart is shattered, and I’m filled with emptiness. I’m going to bed with an empty stomach and a wounded heart. Even though I keep telling myself she will return, I’m still waiting for her there, knowing she won’t. I’m not sure how I’m going to live without her or how I’m going to love anyone else but her. She didn’t instill in me the ability to exist without her. She simply vanished without so much as a farewell. I’m aware of her absence whenever I’m alone. She abandoned me in this world, leaving me with nowhere to turn. I’m now on my own. My name is Wolfe, and I’m a loner. My shadow, too, had vanished. She said she’ll call and meet me, but all she did was walk away without saying anything, leaving me waiting with a broken heart. I know she will never come, and I’ve finally accepted it, but when she does, I’ll have already departed and vanished, and she will never find me, even if she wants to, even if she is guilty. I won’t be returning any longer. I will have gone with broken heart. Only the everlasting, terrible, and intolerable anguish that she inflicted on me, as well as the lovely memories that have become nasty memories, will remain with me. However, I miss her dreadfully since I loved her in the depths of my soul.
In November 2019 the global pandemic coronavirus has been appeared in china and china was the first country where coronavirus has been appeared. Then this global pandemic virus has been rapidly spreading whole over the country. Italy has been mostly affected country by coronavirus after the china. Millions and dozens of people died from coronavirus and have been confirmed of being infected by coronavirus from each country. All the affected countries have imposed the nationwide lockdown and have provided isolation and quarantine place for infected people. On 10th chaitra Nepal has imposed the nationwide lockdown whereas Nepal is also one of those affected country among them where 64,122 coronavirus cases have been confirmed by minister of health and population. After lockdown so many things is changed and many people have been affected, Especially labor people, homeless people, street’s animals and as well as destitute people. According to the Dhurba Bhadur Budhathoki a 42 years male a residential of provience no. three manthali says “ since the day of lockdown he and his family is running out of households items and since that day he is unable to feed his family. Dhurba Bhadur Budhathoki is a head of family and he used to earn through small shop and his shop has been closing since the day of lockdown. The Laborers are having a walk hundreds of kilometers because of hunger. Street’s animals are also unable to get food. The place where they used to have had a food has been shutting down since the day of lockdown. According to the Bimala Budhathoki a 40 years woman and she is also a residential of provience
no. three manthali says “This animals are disparate for food and they are being demoralized and weak animals, due to the cause of starvation. Animals are barking always whole day and night even they are turning on each other out starvation.
Patients have been also affected by coronavirus. Especially, those patients who are using chemotherapy drugs, immunosuppressive drugs or any others who are under in medical observation and have to go hospitals for daily follow up. Day by day coronavirus case has been increasing and day by day government is extending the lockdown as well as psychological problems or mental illness is seeing in people. Government is strictly extending lockdown at those place where global pandemic coronavirus is more likely to develop and found especially western part of Nepal and even a some places and cities area have been sealed. The global pandemic coronavirus has caused great economic crisis in many large and developed countries. Many scientist from each countries are still working to find the vaccine for it but unfortunately they aren’t able to provide yet. Two months before UK prime minister Boris Johnson said in press release “Everyone is going to lose someone they love so be ready to lose someone you love”. Virus has separated people from their loved ones. Infected people are kept in an isolation and quarantine whereas their family and their loved ones can’t see and can’t m eet and nobody knows how they are keeping there except health workers. After the death of infected people their dead bodies are wrapped in plastic and buried and even their families and loved one can’t say last word of goodbye. There are only one thing will be left and that is prayers and believe if miracle happens. This virus has realized us “Some people are meant to be forever, Some people aren’t meant to be ever”. People are running from each other and maintaining the social distance. “The virus has taught us no matter how far we go/run at the end we have to surrender ourselves”. The world is in mourning and people are in melancholy. Nobody knows when it will be stopped, how far it will go, how many people are yet to die from global pandemic coronavirus. This is how the virus has caused to change the daily life of people, this is how people are losing someone they love, this is how the world is ruining. Many people have been trapped in the between of lockdown. The most important things the virus has taught us what is being homeless, important of foods, health is more important than anything. Everyone has a fear of death. This virus has even taught of the feeling and pain of being separated from loved ones.
Last month on 10th chaitra I was staying at home and doing my stuff then I suddenly heard Nepal has imposed the nationwide lockdown with aimed to manage covid 19. Every places has been closed including shops, mall, restaurants educations, sectors and official sectors. After the nationwide lockdown people’s daily life has been affected. Especially, labor people, destitute people, disabled people as well as street animals. Many labors people walked kilometers on foot due to the out of starvation. Government should have announced before imposed the nationwide lockdown as well as government should have managed the households items and needy things for the citizens. People who have been under the medical observations, have to visit hospital for regular should have been provided medicines which are still not getting by government. Government has buzzed to impose lockdown. Many people are not getting to eat and coming road and begging for foods. Many people have died by suicide due to unable to pay tax, house rent, schools fees, and couldn’t feed family whereas lockdown means the government should care take responsibility of the citizens and nation. Relief has been distributed but the destitute people couldn’t get. This relief was donated by INGOs NGOs and some organization for needy people but only those people got who have come from politics and rich people. Because the corruption is involved.
Many people are crossing boarder from India and entering Nepal and Nepal government is trying to handling the argument of boarder between Nepal and India but unfortunately, Nepal government is failed to handling. This is also the cause of increasing the cases of coronavirus in Nepal. In my opinion if the government could have talked with Indian government and had been ordered to Nepal army, police not to let enter the people from boarder and if it is let to be entered in the Nepal then RDT, PCR, swab test and keeping In an isolation and quarantine with the proper management of isolation and quarantine then the case wouldn’t have been reached 58,327. Many organizations ,Chinese government and other foreigners government have donated needed medical items and PCR and RDT machines for test only some of them have been used and now many test have been in pending due to the lack of kits. In budget announcement, it is announced 10.5 billion has been donated by fund but total 5 billion has been disbursement. As we have seen where government has been disbursement 5 billion? No safe quarantine, people have been infected and died from isolation and quarantine rather than dying from out. Lack of PCR, medical items, case has been increasing day by day how and where 5 billion has been disbursement?
The situation and the handling of the crisis by government has seemed worst so on 11th June Thursday youth across the nation have come into the protest against government of handling the situation of corona and where the 10.5 billion has been disbursement? Since that day they are doing protest by demanding the better handling for crisis. Government could handle this all the situation if there was no corruption. Government could care for citizens and If government could provide and feed the labors people they would not have walked kilometer on foot due to out of starvation. Our country has been drown full of corruption and due to this corruption many innocent people and those who have voted and chosen you as a country’s leader have died and committed suicide. In this crisis if government couldn’t ask for paying tax then even it would be at least consolation for people. What is politics and corruption if there is no nation and citizens left? In my opinion if government improves the current situation of quarantine and isolation, secure the health insurance of health workers and provide the safety equipment for them and manage current system and situation in different way then government will have better management system in order to say building a hospital for treating the corona disease then it will have a lower risk of being contagious by virus.
As we all know how the global pandemic corona virus has been rapidly spreading all over the world and millions and dozens of people have lost their life, are still infected with corona virus and are still fighting with this global pandemic virus called corona virus. Whole over the countries have imposed nationwide lockdown. Nepal has also imposed nationwide lockdown after the appearing of covid 19. Nepal has imposed the lockdown for almost 3 months and during the time of lockdown so many things and incidents have been heard. Government has claimed they have spent 10 billion for global pandemic Covid 19 whereas cases have been increasing day by day and the condition of isolation and quarantine has been getting worse also the lack of testing kits. Many youth came together on the street with the slogan “enough is enough” and demanded to provide better isolation and quarantine and increase the testing kits to the government.There is not enough medical safety equipment, not enough health workers for covid 19, lacking test kits as a result many people are not examined and global pandemic covid 19 is gone out of control. During the lockdown mostly tourism, trade and production linkages, supply and health are affected. Nepal was about to organize a visit Nepal 2020 campaign but it got cancelled due to the outbreak pandemic. Patients who are under medical observation, have to come to a follow up are unable to come and are not getting treatment. Schools, colleges and universities have begun online classes but not every student has internet access nor phones or laptops. Schools, colleges and universities are still unable to conduct the examination and have to postpone time to time. Laborers who used to depend on daily wages have lost those earnings and their families are having to go hungry which makes them obliged to walk on foot for thousands miles. It is the responsibility of the government to distribute the relief fund as well as needy stuff but it clearly seems the government is failing to fulfill their responsibilities towards the nation and citizens. People who used to depend on their daily works and earn through small businesses like shops that have been shut down and there is no way to eat or earn plus have to pay tax, rent and other related things so many people choose to commit suicide. This is not only the reason of committing suicide people is committing suicide due to the social rejection, having a fear of getting caught by covid 19. Suicidal case is rising day by day in Nepal. According to the source, a total of 1,647 cases were filed as of June 27 in police stations all over Nepal, with an average 18 people killing themselves every day since the enforcement of the lockdown and a total of 414 people had committed suicide one month before the lockdown. Mental health has been also the main issues in Nepal. Government should take it also as one of the major problems which needs to be solved as soon as possible otherwise more people will repeat it. Hospital’s ICU, beds and ventilations are lacking. Many patients have died due to referring from one hospital to another. There are so many things which needs to be done and taken action as soon as possible. Government should focus on the major problems which are happening right now instead of giving explanations. What is politicians and corruption if there is no state and citizens?
Nepali Youths on the Streets with Slogan “Enough is Enough” and Activist ‘Iih’ on Protest
Participant of a protest with play card showing “Enough is Enough” in Naksal, despite the country being in lockdown, in Kathmandu, on Wednesday June 12, 2020
Since the breakout of the COVID-19 global pandemic, the government of Nepal has been struggling to deal with the situation. As reports about the government quarantine facilities, its lack of responsibility towards the citizens returning home from abroad began to flood, a group of youth started an “online revolution” pointing out the incompetence of the government. A revolution that started with a bunch of tweets and Instagram stories from an activist Ishan aka “Iih” gained momentum as his message reached the thousands of young Nepalese.
On June 6th, 2020 “COVID-19-Enough is Enough” was created, which is a group on Facebook. Within days of creating the group, a huge mass of youth joined and showed support to the cause. “We tried to hold the government accountable through our online protest but it didn’t seem like it would work. So we took our protests to the streets” said Iih.
On June 9th, the first physically distanced protest was led by Iih. About 100 people gathered in front of the prime minister’s residence and showed their dissatisfaction through elaborate displays of pamphlets and chants. The police force was used to disperse the crowd and instigator Iih along with 8 others were taken into custody. The police gave their reason that according to the pandemic control act, they were obliged to take the action. Iih faced backlash for gathering a group of protestors amidst the lockdown which did pose a threat to increase in the COVID cases. In his defense, he said that if he didn’t take the risk and went to the streets, the government wouldn’t even consider the demands he had.
According to another activist, Subani Sijapati, She came to know about the protest through Facebook group and the reason for joining the protest thinking that “If the youth get together then we can change and do anything”. She also added she was dissatisfied seeing the situation of isolation, quarantine, and lack of the test kids for COVID-19.
After the protest on 9th June, the campaign started by Iih took a big turn. Youths all over the nation started organizing protests in order to hold the government accountable for its negligence. Thus began “Enough is Enough”, a nationwide movement that was now getting recognized by the authorities.
Nepal police throwing water cannons to the participants of the protest in Naksal, Kathmandu on Wednesday, June 12, 2020
People showing play cards on the protest in Naksal, Kathmandu on 12th June 2020
When questioned about the efficiency of his government, PM Oli answered, “We were not ready for this, and even the countries richer and developed than Nepal haven’t found a way to deal with this situation. We have constantly pushed ourselves to the limits and this is the best we can do right now”. However, Iih claims that our government has got the resources to do better than this but isn’t acting responsible enough. He said that he believes the federal government has been the faultiest and people in power at the federal level ought to get more responsible and accountable.
According to Iih, the campaign is neither involved with any political agenda of a particular party nor is the interest of the campaign to dismantle the current government. Yet, the popularity of this movement made people speculate on the intentions of the instigator. Moreover, some of the influential faces of the protest were found to be linked with various political parties. Leaders of the government party even alleged the protestors for trying to topple down the current government. Iih did receive a lot of support from the people but at the same time, he had to face a lot of criticism as well.
After 12 days of hunger strike, a 12 point agreement was made between Prime minister and two young activists, Iih and Pukar Bam. The Ministry of Health agreed to demands to amend its directives for the management and control of COVID-19 by increasing the number of RT-PCR test, providing personal equipment for the health workers, the proper management of quarantine facilities and making public the pandemic related expenditures.
Activist Iih during the press conference while signing an agreement with the Goverment of Nepal
The government of Nepal did not fulfill the promises that they made after 12 days of hunger strike which made Iih and his team again start an indefinite hunger strike on the 17th of July. The government of Nepal also has lifted the lockdown to some extent, posing a threat to the spread of the pandemic. People are starting to move within the country and a rapid flow of people towards the Kathmandu valley can be observed.
In the ongoing 2nd protest, the demands of activists are like Expansion of RT PCR Testing; quarantine for people coming from abroad and all known contacts of confirmed COVID-19 cases, PPE kit for all frontline workers and essential workers, people having COVID-19 symptoms must be tested RT PCR and necessary devices of testing machines, kits, VTMs and other essential to be transparently fast-tracked. Rectification of Quarantine Strategy; people who are not contaminated with the virus are contaminated with the virus and taking it to the community level which increases the virus so, only positive cases person should be quarantined, arriving travelers must be RT PCR tested as soon as possible, cases requiring medical attention should immediately be sent to hospital and people at existing mass quarantine centers should only be sent back home if they test RT PCR negative. Transparency and Accountability; Government should include transparency and anticorruption measures in all COVID-19 related purchases and program and legal action should be taken if found guilty.
Protection of Frontline Health Workers; Adequate Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) should be provided to all the people who require it, and safety, dignity, and comfort of all frontline health workers must be ensured by enforcing the existing legal provision. Optimum use of existing resources; Provisions must be made to use several RT PCR machines, among other critical medical equipment that the Government, institutional and private realms have. Increase Medical Capacity; Hospital capacity, including Intensive Care Units, must be regularly reassessed and prepared to manage a surge of severe cases. Implementation of court decisions; Sincere efforts should be made to promptly implement all COVID-19 related Supreme Court Decisions.
The protest has got huge support from the citizens, especially the youth. The protest is still ongoing in the form of a hunger strike at Basantapur, Kathmandu. Iih along with some other participants are on their 13th day without food and water, and barely surviving on saline.
As we all know holi is one of the biggest and beautiful festival. It is the festival to put colors on that people which life is colorless. On the occasion of holi children are more likely to have fun and play and it all starts from the morning for them. Specially, Children are more likely to use balloon (Loola) and Pichkari. For them holi is different thing. Once upon a time holi is fun and beautiful festival for me. At that time I was studying in class 6. One day it was only 2 days left to come the day of holi, and we used to bring balloons and packets of colors some students brought pichkari and started to play on the school ground. While returning home everyone’s uniform was full of colors and wet. But I didn’t use to play colors I only played without colors water Bcause i have an allergy of colors so. We used to blast the balloons on anyone’s head. That time was a fun moments and can’t forget and I still remember. One day class teacher was absent and most of the students started to throwing colors and blasted the balloons and at the same time principal caught red handed to us. Most of the students were playing with colors but some of few were not involved including me. But one of my friend came and threw the colors and my uniform was full of colors also I have an allergy and started to itching, and burning. Unfortunately, I was trapped they got me involved. Those who were involved they got punishment and I was also punished. I was beaten two times by bamboo stick. I was punished where there was not even my fault. I kept telling I’m not involved even though I was punished and my friends also giving false statements and I even couldn’t tell about my allergies if I had told also about my allergies cause of color they wouldn’t have been believed me. I could take her name who threw the colors and trapped me but I couldn’t I had to choose between friendship and confessing her name but I choose friendship. If she were in my place g in that situation she would have taken my name. After beaten by bamboo stick I caught by fever but fever had gone after taking paracetamol and I felt better. On the day of holi I woke up early in the morning and I had already prepared all things for holi like water, balloon with water fill-up and pichkari but I didn’t keep colors. I was watching from the balcony of plying holi, throwing the colors, water even eggs were also throwing. Suddenly “balam pichkri” song played and started to dance. Once in our school “Rang lago” song played one of our friend played that song and with the beat of this song they started to throw colors and danced and whenever I hear this song I still remember that days and moments because that day was really amazing I didn’t play but I enjoyed a lot. While returning home our uniform was full of colors and wet. Our parents scolded us by telling “who will wash your clothes, colors will not remove” so on. I didn’t go for playing holi I just watched it from balcony. My some friends used to hide in house because they were scared of throwing eggs on them and so on but wherever in the house they hide they found and threw the eggs. Evening time my friends gathered together and had some drinks or snacks. On the day of holi I always felt lonely, emptiness and alone. I always wanted someone come and wish me “HAPPY HOLI JYOTI” but no one. Just sitting alone in the balcony and watch all. I wished them but it didn’t work. In fact I couldn’t walk and couldn’t defend myself from the throwing colors it might be reason. I thought my life is full of colorless so what is the point of filling up colors on colorless life. Next year I was staying at hospital. Holi was near only 2/3 days was left I had an ulcer in my foot and it was infected so admitted in hospital for a few days and I was staying at hospital on the day of holi on that day doctors came and told me “report was positive and need to do surgery”. My toes bone had been completely damaged and infected so it is needed to do surgery and have to remove all the damaged and infected bone. I was ready to go operation theater and quite nervous hoping everything will be alright. I have heard in scleroderma case it will be quite complicated high chances of being infected and difficult of getting healed though it was important to perform surgery. And they did surgery after completing surgery I was taken normal ward. I was remembering all that day and that moments too. At the same day I knew about my condition I’m diagnosed with an incurable disease so on. Actually I already knew but that day a little extra things of my disease. It seems days are passing friends are leaving. After all faith can’t be changed. Used to bring balloons, packets of colors and pichkari, throwing colors and blasted balloon on anyone heads, running to be defended from throwing colors on school ground around was really amazing and can’t forget. Memories are strange indeed sometimes they leave smile in our face and sometimes they bring tears. When I needed my friends I had no one and still no one. For me holi is just a colorless day. I have understood I have strange connection with pain neither can I bear it but all the reason I have to live. I have understood this also in fact, everyone’s life are all sort of regrets. Seems life has been always unfair and never easy for me. Life is flowing water doesn’t come back again and again. I think some people have beautiful memories of holi and some people have ugly dark memories of holi. In my life color is colorless and there is no place for filling up colors.
Jyoti's Blog 